We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
