between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
