it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Terrible idea I love it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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