She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
