Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
