Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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