we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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