I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
