God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
do herpes really smell.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
