I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
