I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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