I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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