definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize