he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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