Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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