Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize