so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
