Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
