dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
