If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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