I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize