you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She swung at the pinata with crutches
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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