Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
