You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
