you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize