I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
