When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
