i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
