wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
