My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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