Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
