he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
