I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
As shirtless as possible
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
