this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
