Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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