were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
