AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
