community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
