I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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