If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
