i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
