I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
