i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and she was petting her beer can
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
