K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
