Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
