Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
