Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
