Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
