Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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