your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
