Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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