susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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