yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
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