i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
