Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
