i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
