My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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