Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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