I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
false alarm, still single
Randomize
