You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
