are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
