Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Randomize
