I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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