What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
