I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
