So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize