Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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