I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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