dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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