it wasn't lemon gatorade
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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