I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
