Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
