I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
