I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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