We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
