And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
