Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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